I have had a very interesting few days since my birthday. I have spent alot of time in my head thinking about where I am, where am I going and what do I want in life. Seriously I have been whirling around in there spring cleaning my brain.
My long time boyfriend told me that even if I lost heaps of weight he wouldn't marry me because I would still be me. When I asked him if he would miss me if we broke up and I found someone else and he said no because he wanted me to be happy and to be able to have the things I want namely marriage and kids.
I can tell you that I was heartbroken. After 14 years he still doesn't think I am good enough to marry and yet all his friends think we should get married. So now I have been weaning my heart off of him. It has been hard but the more time I spend away from him the more I can let him go. It has been really hard and I don't know if I can break it off easily but I have opened my eyes to the fact that I have to move on and I have to start looking for another. I believe that when you look you will find and when I am in a relationship I close my eyes to anyone else no matter how hot or interested they are.
I didn't think I would ever have to learn about a new love but I am hoping that this is the last time. I have many tools now to weed out the shit men and the I just want sex guys. I can hear pick up lines and insincerity a mile off.
I've still kept losing weight which is good for me. I lost 3.9kgs last week that's about 8.58 lbs. Over all since the end of August I have lost 15.9kgs which is 34.98 lbs. I still have a ways to go but I am feeling fitter and I won't be stopping now until I reach goal weight because I am doing it for myself this time not to please other people.
I found that I love my new job most of the time and that I am competitive and I am innovative and I had no idea. I have already started looking for ways to achieve goals in my life through my career. I already know that I can work on cruise ships and I am looking at how to get a licence to do that. I intend to also find a way to work in different countries around the world so I can see them. So Vegas is one of my targets. I can't see myself ever owning a house and having kids now so I am going to travel. I got a holiday book today and I am planning my first trip to the states atm. I will probably go next year or I will go to Brazil....I'm not sure yet.
I've also been thinking about my life when I was in church and although I was unhappy with some things in the great scheme of things I was busy and I had a life...lol So I might go visit one sunday soon and see what things are like there or go to another church for a visit. See how I feel about it.
So if I seem different then I have to say I am.
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